The presentation of our results is divided into three sections. First, we will briefly outline the key challenges associated with not having children, as described by our interviewees. Next, we will summarise the main coping strategies the informants developed to respond to these challenges. These sections present the outcomes of our open coding procedure, and illustrate the key categories that emerged from the data. In the final section, the results of the axial coding are presented.
Childlessness: what are the challenges?
In the interviews, all of the informants were asked to evaluate their subjective well-being, and to discuss things they were happy or worried about. After this topic had been introduced, the informants were asked to compare their lives with the lives of their counterparts (friends, family members) who are parents. In these sections of the interview, the informants were asked to share their views on the challenges posed by childlessness, and the worries and concerns that stem from it. Not surprisingly, the main concerns the participants reported were related to a lack of practical support and care when they had occasional health problems or (especially) experienced dependency. They also mentioned other challenges and worries, such as loneliness and isolation or concerns related to dying childless, including leaving behind a spouse and not having anyone to take care of the funeral and various post-mortem formalities. Each of these aspects is discussed briefly in the following sections.
“Who is going to look after me?”
The consequence of having no children that the participants feared and discussed the most was not having sufficient practical support and care when they were experiencing occasional health problems or dependency. The interviewees mentioned the different levels of support they expect to need depending on the severity of a potential illness. The most grim visions were of not being able to look after themselves and requiring daily care. The informants repeatedly observed that in such cases, children typically help their parents.
“Children have a moral obligation to give their parents some decent old age. (…) if I were a widow [with children], I would not have looked for a friend. I would have thought that the children should take care of me”. (IDI 09, Fem, 66, widowed, cohabiting)
“I fear for my health to get worse. After all, I don’t have any children to take care of me”. (IDI 34, Male, 76, married)
The respondents also mentioned numerous practical elements of support that could have been provided by children if the informants had any, including shopping, helping around the house (especially with heavier tasks, such as cleaning windows, handling small repairs, or chopping wood), and running small errands. According to the participants, such support is needed when people are disabled, but also when they have an occasional short-term health problem, such as when they have to stay in bed for some period of time. Several participants observed that not having children poses real challenges when there is nobody else to help with shopping, cooking, or taking out the trash. As one of the respondent put it:
“Of course we regret it [that we have no children]. As I said, old age means loneliness. When we both got sick once, we were lucky that we had enough food at home. We only produced piles of trash”. (IDI 13, Male, 68, married)
Loneliness
Fear of being lonely and isolated was cited as another main concern related to not having children. Our interviewees said that the lives of their counterparts with children are richer in this respect. Children were described as the closest family members, and not having children was perceived as being especially painful around various festive occasions or holidays (e.g., Christmas). The following quote summarises this concern well:
“Without children, one is lonely. Lonely, he has virtually no contact with family. As children are the closest family. (...) When a man has no children, what does it look like? He will not go to a neighbour. After all, the neighbour has a family of his own. True, neighbours or friends will invite you to come over on the second day of Christmas. But not on Christmas Eve or on the Resurrection Sunday. Family meets on these days, these are family holidays. And this is sad. For those who have no children this is a bit sad”. (IDI 37, Male, 70, married)
A fear of dying childless
It is safe to say that fear of dying is not unique to childless older adults. However, the participants mentioned two specific consequences of dying childless. First, if one member of a childless couple dies, the other spouse remains alone, without any close family. Some of our informants were very concerned about this issue. A vivid example of this fear was expressed in an interview with a woman whose husband was experiencing increasing problems with his memory. For her, the risk that she might die before her husband was terrifying:
“I have to take care of everything myself. And now completely on my own. Because my husband keeps forgetting things. He does not remember. I even have to go to the doctor with him. (…) And I am terribly scared that I will start having problems with my memory. Because this time might come. This is inevitable. And I am scared of what will happen. And there are nights when I cannot sleep because I keep thinking: what if I'm the first to die? That basically means a nursing home for him, because he will not manage on his own. And this is really terrifying”. (IDI 38, Fem, 69, married)
The second major concern the participants expressed about dying childless was related to the funeral and the post-mortem formalities. Some of the childless participants who did not have any close family said they feared that there would be nobody to organise the funeral for them, to take care of their things, and to make sure that all of the administrative issues were properly addressed (e.g., related to insurance, bank accounts). In some cases, the participants expressed worries related to their house pets as there would be nobody to take care of their dog or cat after they died. The following extract from the interview with a 67-year-old woman summarises these issues:
“I am alone and I cannot count on my family. And someday there will be my own funeral. And I do not have anyone. I have a friend, I wanted to give her my keys, in case anything happens. Because anything can happen (...) And I try to think positively. That I am in good hands and that the surgery goes well. But after all, I am 60-something, almost 70. And sooner or later, whether as a result of a long illness, or whether a car hits me… That's it, it can happen to me at any time. And I would like someone to cremate me, to take care of my dog”. (IDI 23, Fem, 67, single)
Economic insecurity
Before we discuss the coping strategies our informants developed as potential responses to the above challenges, the issue of economic insecurity should be mentioned. In general, financial aspects are very important for well-being, regardless of a person’s age and family status. Our respondents repeatedly mentioned various worries related to their material situations. However, financial concerns were hardly discussed in relation to childlessness. This issue was not raised when the respondents compared their situation to that of their peers with offspring. While children were perceived as a natural source of practical and emotional support, the topic of receiving economic support from offspring was barely raised in the interviews.
Lack of children—lack of support—how to cope?
Clearly, a lack of companionship and support were identified as the main challenges related to childlessness. The childless seniors in our sample generally acknowledged that because they have no children, they need to take care of themselves and stay healthy, or to make sure that alternative sources of support are available. Two main types of strategies for tackling these challenges were mentioned in the interviews: taking action to remain independent and self-reliant for as long as possible, and taking action to secure companionship and potential formal or informal sources of support.
Remaining self-reliant
The coping strategies of the first type, which can be described as strategies related to “active ageing”, were discussed in 18 interviews. They include actions to help the individual remain independent and self-reliant for as long as possible, including engaging in health-related behaviours such as physical activity (most commonly long walks, but also gymnastics, fitness, swimming, or yoga), having regular check-ups, going to sanatoriums, and having a healthy diet. These actions were mentioned in the following quote, which was quite representative to our informants’ views:
“I have to exercise so that my bones don’t get stiff. And there are some issues with my stomach, so I need to be careful with food. Otherwise, I try to keep up. Because if I lay down, I'm not going to stand up. So I have to walk. Exercise. Ride a bicycle (…) I go to sanatoria. Everywhere I can. To improve my health even just a little bit. ” (IDI 11, Fem, 70, widowed)
Another category of activities mentioned by the respondents was related to mental health. Our interviewees pointed out that in order to remain independent, they have to be mentally fit as well. As one informant explained:
“One has to think about health. To be fit physically and mentally. (…) You have to defend yourself against stagnation, you cannot just sit, you have to be on the move. To do mental exercises. I solve crossword puzzles. One needs to read, keep up, because the mind is ageing”. (IDI 24, Fem, 70, single)
In the above quotation, the respondent suggested some ways to remain mentally fit, including reading, following the news, and solving crossword puzzles. Other ideas that were mentioned in the interviews included learning how to use the internet, going to lectures at the University of the Third Age, and taking up various hobbies, such as singing in a choir or working in a garden.
Alternative sources of support: a social network
As they were lacking companionship and support from children, the childless older people in our sample discussed extensively the actions they were taking to expand their social networks and to sustain close contacts with their family and friends. These actions were discussed in 21 interviews, and they were often as simple as staying in touch and spending time with various family members, friends, and acquaintances. However, the informants also mentioned various activities that allowed them to widen their circle of friends and to build new, meaningful relationships. These activities included joining various formal or informal groups and taking up new activities that exposed them to social contacts. The respondents gave examples of attending clubs for seniors organised by municipalities, NGOs, or the Church, as well as choirs or the University of the Third Age. The participants also reported developing informal networks, such as neighbourhood networks or friendships with other dog owners whom they met in the park. In addition, several informants said they were working in a part-time job or as a volunteer in a Catholic or a lay organisations. Examples of such actions were described in the following quotations:
“As I came to the conclusion that I'm going to be alone, I am generally kind to all people. Recurrently other people are surprised that I give more [working as a volunteer] than I take. But I think that maybe, when I need support, there will be a person… maybe not a person I count on at the moment… but there is going to be someone among people I know. Someone to help me, to lend me a hand”. (IDI 01, Fem, 66, single)
“With my neighbours here, I made an attempt to talk and to make this neighbourhood different. More like a family. And surprisingly, I have succeeded. And we are really close here. If one gets ill, another one finds out and helps. We help one another”. (IDI 15, Fem, 74, single)
Notably, even though more than half of the respondents described themselves as churchgoers, clear benefits related to social contacts in religious communities were reported in only a few (three) of the interviews. Participation in local parishes or activities organised by the Church was not mentioned more frequently than participation in any other organisations or clubs.
The informants described expanding their social network as the most important form of protection against loneliness. However, they noted that while friends and acquaintances can provide companionship, only a limited amount of practical support can be expected of them. According to the participants, friends and acquaintances can help with shopping or small errands, but they are not potential sources of support and care in case of a serious illness and dependency. They observed that other types of social ties are needed to obtain that type of support, and that to build such ties, different strategies are necessary.
In some cases, the informants invested heavily in contacts with nieces and nephews or younger siblings. These family members were perceived as substitutes for children in providing long-term old-age support. Our informants invested their time and energy, but also their financial resources into tightening their ties with these contacts, and, when necessary, into securing their support as caregivers. The following quote illustrates this strategy:
“I live with my niece. Even when my husband was still alive, she helped me. Because she works and lives here. She has one room and I have the other. (…) She helps and cleans. She has been living with me for seven years. And I have already registered her here. One never knows how long one is going to live. One never knows what tomorrow will bring. Will I get up tomorrow? This is life.
Q: So this apartment is going to be for your niece?
At some point it will be, yes”. (IDI 11, Fem, 70, widowed)
As the quote above indicates, even when the childless people in our sample were not able to pay for support when needed, they tried to use the resources they had to secure their future. In the interviews, the respondents reported some very elaborate schemes of this kind, including arrangements with unrelated individuals. For example, a 65-year-old man who—together with his wife—bought a small house in a village said that they had made friends with their neighbours, and were spending a lot of time with their neighbours’ sons. He added that he was considering leaving the house to them if they let him live there until his death and look after him. In the interview, he said:
“This is another possible option. You know, everything might change. I might stay in V. [the name of the village]. (…) I would make an arrangement with the neighbours, with the parents of these boys: I will leave the house to you, but I want to die there. Maybe they would agree? I would have a nursing home there”. (IDI 08, Male, 65, married)
Alternative sources of support: formal care
In the interviews, the topic of institutionalised care for older people came up quite frequently (it appeared in 17 interviews). If the interviewees did not see any options for receiving support within their social networks (or if this support was limited), they acknowledged that a nursing home might be the only solution. In fact, six of our informants were already living in such institutions.
In some respects, a nursing home was considered a better option than informal care. Several of our informants expressed the view that in such institutions, older people are given proper care, everything is organised and provided, and they do not feel like they are a burden to their family. All of these arguments were brought up repeatedly by our interviewees.
“My neighbour has a sick mother here. She is hardly able to walk. And he has a problem of how to wash her. Because she doesn’t want her son to wash her (…) And if he placed her in a nursing home, he would be calm. He would visit her from time to time. She would get proper care”. (IDI 05, Fem, 65, married)
“Life is organised here [in a nursing home]. I stayed at home for some time after I had fallen ill. As I have no family, I was on my own there. So it was hard. And I decided to move here, because I have everything here. I have meals, I have a place to sleep, I have my laundry done. I can take a bath”. (IDI 22, Male, 68, widowed)
Notably, not all of the informants considered a nursing home to be a good solution, and some of them said they strongly feared ending up in such an institutional arrangement. As one interviewee put it: “one hears different stories about places of that sort”. While such negative views were not dominant in our interviews, quantitative studies based on a representative sample are needed to establish what the prevalent attitudes towards nursing homes are among childless individuals. Moreover, given that for our interviewees, going to a nursing home was sometimes perceived as the only solution if they needed care, it is likely that they attempted to downplay the negative consequences of this option as a defence mechanism.
Life course perspective and the importance of time
In the final step of the analyses, we linked the challenges and coping strategies presented in the previous sections to form a coherent picture based on the life course perspective. First, for each discussed topic, we attempted to establish at what point in the life course it was related to the informant’s narration in order to establish the temporal order. Next, within each respondent’s narration, we looked for consistencies and inconsistencies in order to identify any changes in his/her lifestyle.
The challenges that the childless seniors faced and the strategies they employed to cope with these challenges clearly changed over biographical time. First, the childless people who had reached older age, but were still healthy, active, and self-reliant, reported taking (or trying to take) steps to remain that way for as long as possible. As long as they were still able to take care of themselves, a lack of companionship and loneliness were considered most worrisome by the childless older people. Thus, they reported engaging in various activities aimed at expanding their social networks. These activities were oriented towards sustaining old social bonds and creating new ones, including relationships that went well beyond family networks (friends, acquaintances, neighbours etc.).
At this stage, the actions taken by our informants were strongly related to their personalities and lifestyles at younger ages. These activities were developed at much earlier stages of life, and thus were not adopted specifically to help them cope in old age. If a person had been sociable in his/her youth and middle age, s/he was often able to find ways to sustain or even expand his/her social network in old age. Those individuals who had always been withdrawn and introverted chose strategies in line with their character, mostly investing in their physical and mental health; e.g., reading, doing crossword puzzles, and pursuing a healthy lifestyle. Clearly, there was continuity between people’s behaviours at older ages and their earlier habits. Moreover, it appears that these habits were sometimes difficult to change, even if the respondents felt they should be. For instance, even when interviewees indicated they were aware that physical activity would allow them to remain healthy and self-reliant, they found it extremely difficult to engage in exercise if they had not been active at younger ages. They acknowledged that physical activity was important for them, but they spoke about it in terms of vague plans; i.e., as something that “should be done”, but without indicating how and when. An extract from an interview with a 72-year-old man provides an excellent example of this way of thinking:
“This is the worst thing… I should be more active… but… I don’t know… I just sit and watch TV. I have too little exercise. I should have more exercise. But I have told myself, starting this year, when summer comes, I will try to ride a bicycle”. (IDI 35, Male, 72, divorced)
Nonetheless, most respondents who used to be very active at younger ages were able to identify and engage in new forms of their favourite activities when the previous forms became too strenuous or too difficult for them to engage in for other reasons. Several respondents reported substituting more active sports with long walks and rehabilitative exercises. One very sociable respondent became engaged in group discussions and social contacts over the internet, as her options for leaving home became limited due to an illness. A few others developed contacts at the University of the Third Age, or they worked as a volunteer in an effort to regain the rich social life they had when they were still active in the labour market.
When we look at the later biographical trajectories of our respondents, we see that other challenges and other coping strategies came into play. As these childless people grew older and their health deteriorated, their challenges became acute. In particular, they faced an increased risk of serious illness, dependency, and long-term disability, as well as fears of dying childless. When considering these challenges, the strategies of staying active and healthy and extending their social networks were no longer perceived as sufficient. At these stages, the seniors were more concerned about finding (informal or formal) care providers who could compensate for their lack of children.
As we described in the previous section, to secure informal care in old age, the respondents often took very specific actions that had been planned well in advance. Some were able to find potential care providers, and to make suitable arrangements with them. Others found this process more problematic. Some of the respondents turned to institutional care, while others simply avoided the topic. As one of our informants described it, she applied a strategy of Scarlett O’Hara from Gone With the Wind: “I will think about it tomorrow”. In the interview, this woman explained:
“It is most convenient. Because… well, can I change anything? No, I cannot. And if I cannot influence things, then… well… I just hope I will not become dependent. That I will pass away before that happens”. (IDI 03, Fem, 67, single)
Her view was shared by several respondents in our sample: when asked what they would do if they were to develop a serious illness or were unable to take care of themselves, eight interviewees refused to think about possible “coping strategies”, or indicated that they could not find any solutions they considered satisfactory.
Notably, almost all of the interviewees were reluctant to consider negative future scenarios. Most reported postponing thinking about things such as finding a nursing home, and they repressed thoughts of becoming ill or having problems with activities of daily living. On the one hand, this approach may have increased their subjective well-being. In some cases, it was related to having a (rather) positive and optimistic attitude, as in the following example:
“It is better not to worry in advance. Worries will go away with time. There is always something to worry about. (…) It will be just the way it will be. Why should I worry in advance?” (IDI 16, Fem, 68, single)
However, this approach may have led to situations in which people were facing a serious illness unprepared. Indeed, in some cases, this way of thinking seems to have blocked the ability of some respondents to come up solutions, even though they were aware that they should have been doing so. This dynamic is illustrated in the following quote from a respondent who—given that he had no informal caregivers—was considering a nursing home as an option if his or his wife’s health were to deteriorate:
“If there is a need we will have to go to a nursing home (…) To be honest, I should go and find out more about it… but… (…) Maybe God will call me sooner?” (IDI 34, Male, 76, married)
At the time of the interview, the situation of this respondent was relatively good. Neither he nor his wife had any serious illnesses, but they were becoming less and less active. In the interview, he repeatedly said he was aware that they should be taking some precautions for the future. Nonetheless, the grim vision of dependency in old age somehow blocked them from taking action.